Wrapping Things Up!!

Don't be afraid of what you really want.

I'm pretty amazed that I got through this class. I've had so meltdowns through the whole journey. I think learned alot about myself and what I really want out of my life. The road to that place is still very scary for me though. The scariest realization is the fact that future is not some time in the far future but very close and quickly approaching. I'm still worried that I won't be prepared to survive out in the real world. Right now I'm just trying to finish the semester strong and make big plans for over the summer. I'll keep you guys posted on the progress.

1. How you have grown this semester?

I learned what I really wanted out of my life and not to allow others (especially my family) dictate what I should do with my future.

2. How has your thinking changed (about yourself, your future, what’s possible in the world, etc…)?

I realized that I NEED TO PLAN!!! Things are not always going to fall into place. Sometimes you need to make plans and preparations for the future. Networking is so important and still something I really need to work on.

3. What activities and behaviors have you engaged in for the first time?

Reaching out to people I don't know and asking for help and advice.

4. What are the 3 things you liked best about Leadership for Change?

I really liked the fact that we got the chance to really think about what we wanted, the inspiration films we watched and the blogs.

5. What are the 3 things you liked least about Leadership for Change?

I couldn't stand those support teams but did like it when they were mixed up toward the end. The Komives book. That's it.

6. What 3 things would you suggest to improve Leadership for Change next semester?

I would encourage more blogging, an additional panel and replacing the Komives book.

I really enjoyed the class and would encourage anyone a little lost about their future to take it. Thanks for another great class

Still moving forward....

Exercise #1: First Steps (Pick one of your first steps, complete it, and blog about it)
I’m still contacting people for advice and inspiration. I just received an email the director of a community program contact me over the weekend after a month. He said he never checks his email….. I haven’t completely given up on my interviews.

Exercise #3: Sunday Meeting (Hold a Sunday Night Planning Meeting (with yourself) and blog about it)
This week is so crazy packed with papers and projects. I’m so ready for all to be over.

1. Finishing SOC 300 Project (we killed it!!!)
2. Writing and completing my SOC 385 Essay
3. Making some serious progress on my lynching paper
4. Volunteer with Glass Slipper Project on Saturday (so excited!!!!)
5. Continuing stackin’ paper
6. Begin packing up my dorm


My main goal for right now is just finishing the semester strong and brings home some good grades.

Exercise #2: Business Meeting (Hold your next Weekly Business Meeting with your buddy and blog about it)
I chose Sherronda as my buddy for three reasons:
1. She’s a pretty good friend
2. She knows my goal, dreams and fears
3. She is in the class with me

Our meeting was pretty short because we were both busy, tired and had papers to write that are do this week.
1. Discussed projects and papers that were due at the end of semester
2. Making contact with people for interviews or internships
3. Discussing summer plans and projects
4. Planning interior design ideas for our places next year


Granny Update:
Granny is doing just fine. The procedure went well but they weren’t able to do everything they need to do so she’ll have to go back in June. She’s a real fighter. Thanks for all the prayers.

Hard Times and Stress……

I’ve been going through some family issues for the last week or so. I’ve had two grandparents in the hospital within the last week. My granny had surgery today and I’m completely stressed out. My mother is stress out about her father, my grandfather, who physically disabled and blind. He was rushed to the hospital on Tuesday. A few days before that I found my paternal grandmother had to have surgery to unclog an artery in her leg. Its just been a really stressful few days and I’ve been feeling really down about a few things. But before the weekend I did manage to get a couple of things done:
• Went to the Co-Op Office to ask about an internship for the summer or fall
• Planned a couple of volunteer projects for this weekend
• Met the director of the Black Star Project on Wednesday at the Jazz Showcase
• Sent my resume for a couple of internships through idealists.com

Just pray for me and my family…

Working Past My Fears.....

With my goal being to start my own nonprofit foundation and opening community center, I think its interact and volunteer with other organizations. I think volunteering with existing organizations whose main focus is to have personal interaction with the community and giving all they can. I always believed that volunteering is an fulfilling and rewarding experience that is somewhat priceless. I volunteer with several organizations since high school and these are just a few of my favorites:
• Habitat for Humanity
• The Black Star project
• The Glass Slipper Project
• Chicago Cares
• M. G. R. foundation's CareTeams
• One Brick
• And a few others that I can't remember it now

Recently I have reached out to move the directors of these programs for interviews but without receive any responses it. Yet! So sad.... but that doesn't discourage me from working with them and contributing to my community and city.

Fear. I have let fear deter me from so many things in my life back as far as I can remember. I'm always had a fear of public speaking and it would drive me into full-on panic attack, hyperventilating and all. Usually a good freak out would get me out of presenting a paper or project but rarely would I suck it up and just go for it. I would take the lower grade if it meant that I didn't have stand in front of my class. It wasn’t because I wasn’t prepared or didn’t know what I was talking about. I was the fear of judgment or ridicule that would make me just give up time and time again. I also flunked high school Speech because of it. Thankfully my stage fright has improved over the years and I have been able to push past the panicking. I believe my shyness had a lot to do with it. I know most people wouldn't believe that I was a terribly shy child but I was. I’m still working past public speaking issues because I know that it will hinder me professionally if I don’t get past them. Work in progress….

Pushing Forward.....

So I finally got a couple of my interviews out of the way…..

I’ve been avoiding these interviews for a number of reasons. Mostly fear. Part frustration. Because I change goal, I had no direction and just ready to give up on everything this class was trying to push us to do. After talking to Prof. Rock and getting to the guts to put myself out there, I believe I was relatively successful. I interviewed to interesting and remarkable professionals and here’s what they had to say:

First I interviewed Shelly A. Butler, the Executive Director of the South Chicago YMCA, and it was a relatively short phone interview. She is originally from Georgia and attended undergraduate and graduate school down there and focusing her studies on education and business management. She didn’t have specific reasons for apply to employment at the YMCA but feel fulfills in her work. We discussed the programs and the struggles of her work. She stated something very interesting to me: she says it wasn’t so much about your educational background when it comes to nonprofit work but about your character. You must understand the people’s socioeconomic status and emphatic to their individual situation. She stated that many of her previous interns were unable to grasp that concept. She invited me to come down, take a tour and talk more with her.

Second interview was with Tio Hardiman, who works with The Chicago Project for Violence Prevention. He’s an amazing man with an amazing story. We discussed things he went through in his childhood and they affected him overall. Discussed his educational background. I was most interested in his M.A. in Inner City Studies from Northeastern University. His work in several organizations around the city and what he found rewarding from each of them. I was so into his life story I didn’t take great notes. Our conversation was brief but dense. He invited me to contact him anytime to discuss anything I had a question about.

I also have a interview for next week with Cherita Ellens, Executive Director of the South Side and Wabash YMCAs

Done.

I give up. This class has become way more than I signed up for. I'm so done.

Reaching Out to Nothing....

Hello all,

Anyone that knows me knows that I like to get straight to the point. No one was trying to talk to me!! The only person that I was able to reach was Phillip Jackson of the Black Star Project but, unfortunately, he was unable to have a quick conversation with and told me to call sometime this week. The Illinois Board had a few changes in leadership so I knew I wasn't going to be hearing from them. Everyone else I'm still waiting on a reply from....

Since last week I have completely changed my goal and I'm feeling lost, confused and totally frustrated. I'm almost starting to despise this class. I thought I had everything figured out and now I feel like I have no direction at all!! How did all this happen in ONE WEEK!?!?!?!

Goal Flowchart

Goal: To become a college professor and writer

Attending graduate school:
• Constantly working to improve my grade point average
• Maintaining a positive outlook and remaining optimistic
• Researching universities and graduate programs around the Midwest and possibly other regions
• Start requesting information from universities and programs of interest
• Start preparing to take my GRE
• Researching grants and scholarships for graduate school (its not cheap!!)
• Start preparing myself financially

Teaching at a Chicago Public School, getting some real experience and postponing graduate school temporarily:
• Getting my teaching certification
• Getting an internship
• Tutoring
• Networking
• Volunteering with education-based programs in the inner-city
• Actively seeking employment after receiving my certification

My Five Lives:

A dynamic professor – Kerry Ann Rockquemore:

Office Address: BSB 4112,
Phone: 312-996-3005
Fax: 312-996-5799
URL: http://tigger.uic.edu/~rockquem/
Email: rockquem@uic.edu

Active Black Philanthropist:

Marshall Faulk – causes: inner-city youth/children

The Marshall Faulk Foundation

Brandi Greenleaf - Executive Director
brandi@marshallfaulk.com

7222 Opportunity Road
San Diego, CA 92111

619–241–0028 - T
619-241-0035 – F

President of Chicago Public Schools:

Rufus Williams President,
Chicago Board of Education

Chief Executive Office
125 South Clark Street
Chicago, Illinois 60603
5th Floor
Phone: (773) 553-1500
Fax: (773) 553-1501

(Resigning on Friday)

Replaced by:

Michael Scott

Director of an urban education-based community program:

Black Star Project
Executive Director – Phillip Jackson
Address: 3509 S. King Drive, Suite 2B Chicago IL 60653
Phone: 773-285-9600
Fax: 773-285-9602

A mother who has both biological and adoptive children:

Illinois Department of Children & Family Services (DCFS)

Chicago Headquarters
100 West Randolph Street 6-200
Chicago IL
60601
312.814.6800
TTD 312.814.8783

Dreams, Goals, my Future??

GoalSearch

Dream: To be an educator, writer, philanthropist and mentor.

Touchstone: To inspire and motivate. I have or had educator in my past that pushed and believed in me. I just want to be that for someone else

Role Model: Angela Davis, Bell Hooks, and every amazing educator I’ve ever encountered

Target: To educated, motivate, and push future generations, open multiple community centers and get more black youth in universities.

My Personality??

I have an INFJ personality:

As an INFJ, your primary mode of living is focused internally, where you take things in primarily via intuition. Your secondary mode is external, where you deal with things according to how you feel about them, or how they fit with your personal value system.

INFJs are gentle, caring, complex and highly intuitive individuals. Artistic and creative, they live in a world of hidden meanings and possibilities. Only one percent of the population has an INFJ Personality Type, making it the most rare of all the types.

INFJs place great importance on havings things orderly and systematic in their outer world. They put a lot of energy into identifying the best system for getting things done, and constantly define and re-define the priorities in their lives. On the other hand, INFJs operate within themselves on an intuitive basis which is entirely spontaneous. They know things intuitively, without being able to pinpoint why, and without detailed knowledge of the subject at hand. They are usually right, and they usually know it. Consequently, INFJs put a tremendous amount of faith into their instincts and intuitions. This is something of a conflict between the inner and outer worlds, and may result in the INFJ not being as organized as other Judging types tend to be. Or we may see some signs of disarray in an otherwise orderly tendency, such as a consistently messy desk.

INFJs have uncanny insight into people and situations. They get "feelings" about things and intuitively understand them. As an extreme example, some INFJs report experiences of a psychic nature, such as getting strong feelings about there being a problem with a loved one, and discovering later that they were in a car accident. This is the sort of thing that other types may scorn and scoff at, and the INFJ themself does not really understand their intuition at a level which can be verbalized. Consequently, most INFJs are protective of their inner selves, sharing only what they choose to share when they choose to share it. They are deep, complex individuals, who are quite private and typically difficult to understand. INFJs hold back part of themselves, and can be secretive.

But the INFJ is as genuinely warm as they are complex. INFJs hold a special place in the heart of people who they are close to, who are able to see their special gifts and depth of caring. INFJs are concerned for people's feelings, and try to be gentle to avoid hurting anyone. They are very sensitive to conflict, and cannot tolerate it very well. Situations which are charged with conflict may drive the normally peaceful INFJ into a state of agitation or charged anger. They may tend to internalize conflict into their bodies, and experience health problems when under a lot of stress.

Because the INFJ has such strong intuitive capabilities, they trust their own instincts above all else. This may result in an INFJ stubbornness and tendency to ignore other people's opinions. They believe that they're right. On the other hand, INFJ is a perfectionist who doubts that they are living up to their full potential. INFJs are rarely at complete peace with themselves - there's always something else they should be doing to improve themselves and the world around them. They believe in constant growth, and don't often take time to revel in their accomplishments. They have strong value systems, and need to live their lives in accordance with what they feel is right. In deference to the Feeling aspect of their personalities, INFJs are in some ways gentle and easy going. Conversely, they have very high expectations of themselves, and frequently of their families. They don't believe in compromising their ideals.

INFJ is a natural nurturer; patient, devoted and protective. They make loving parents and usually have strong bonds with their offspring. They have high expectations of their children, and push them to be the best that they can be. This can sometimes manifest itself in the INFJ being hard-nosed and stubborn. But generally, children of an INFJ get devoted and sincere parental guidance, combined with deep caring.
In the workplace, the INFJ usually shows up in areas where they can be creative and somewhat independent. They have a natural affinity for art, and many excel in the sciences, where they make use of their intuition. INFJs can also be found in service-oriented professions. They are not good at dealing with minutia or very detailed tasks. The INFJ will either avoid such things, or else go to the other extreme and become enveloped in the details to the extent that they can no longer see the big picture. An INFJ who has gone the route of becoming meticulous about details may be highly critical of other individuals who are not.

The INFJ individual is gifted in ways that other types are not. Life is not necessarily easy for the INFJ, but they are capable of great depth of feeling and personal achievement.

Introverted: 11%

Intuitive: 38%

Feeling: 12%

Judging: 33%

Personal Reflection:

INFJ personality is the other half of my personality that no one outside my family and long-term friends get to see. There are people who have known many years and never see me cry. It’s the side of me that I refuse to show the outside world. My mother always told me to “never let them see you sweat” and that’s how I try to approach the world outside the comfort of my friends and family. I took the personality test and I received a different result. The ESFP, which outspoken and a people person, is the part of myself that I give to the world. A lot of people think they have me figured out but they will probably never even get half of it.

“Imagination is everything. It is the preview of life's coming attractions.” - Albert Einstein


EXERCISE 4: Pick a Color (“I am blue”):

I am red. I am passionate and feisty. I am bold and in your face. I am not afraid to be notices and shy away from the spotlight. I am often misunderstood though. I stand out but not always on purpose.

EXERCISE 5: The Private-Eye Game

List of Qualities:

Lots of Books
Organized
Lots of Clothes
Plenty of Beauty Products
Classy Wall Art
Smells like Vanilla
Sociable
Quiet and Relaxing
Prefers Ipod over Cds
Cluttered Desk
Color-Coordinated
Open Space
Comfortable

Analysis:

My mother has always called me a pack rat but I don’t think that’s it at all. I just always feel like I need to be prepared for anything and my room displays that. Its organized but it does have extra “stuff” that I may or may not need but I’m always prepared.

EXERCISE 6: Seeing Yourself as Others See You

VERSION NO. 1: PRAISE BE!

My Granny (my biggest cheerleader):

“You’re my baby. Always will be. You take family very serious and you have always been that way. You never allow someone to come talk ill about your family. You would have some choice words for them Tradition is also very important to you. You’ve always been so sweet and affectionate. You’re never afraid to tell someone you love them and show them. That’s a great quality to have. You have a pretty good relationship with God that you’re constantly trying to improve. One my favorite things about you is that you’ve always had a mind of your own. Never let anyone tell you how you should feel or think. You make up your own damn mind about things. Ok. That’s all I have for you right now sweetie.”

EXERCISE 7: Twenty Things You Like to Do

1. Reading
2. Shopping Online
3. Buying Shoes
4. Sleeping
5. Eating Ice Cream
6. Getting My Hair Done
7. Volunteering
8. Putting on Make-up
9. Spending Time with My Family
10. Tormenting Our Dog
11. Going To Open Mics
12. Watching Tv
13. Cooking
14. Spending Time with My Friends
15. Watching Romanctic Movies
16. Exploring New Neighborhoods
17. Shopping for Books
18. Listening to Music
19. Riding the EL
20. Going to Museums

From looking over my list, I noticed that I like to indulge. By indulging, I’m referring to the fact that I like to enjoy everything I do. Whether I’m shopping, being with friends and family, being with my peers in a classroom or a open mic or just sitting my bed reading a new book, I like to treat myself. I never deny myself anything that I really want or enjoy. I have classes, work part-time and make sure I handle my business but I always like to have a good time. I’m not really sure if that’s a good quality or not but I do know it’s a consistent Leo trait.

EXERCISE 8: Your Ideal Environment

For me in my ideal environment, respect is essential. I need to be surrounded by people who before anything. You’re never going to agree with everything that people do, say or think but all about mutual respect. I need my closest friends, family and boyfriend to have unconditional love. Unconditional love doesn’t always mean backing someone up in mess but supporting one another through everything. My ideal environment wouldn’t involve me being filthy rich but I don’t want to poor either. I’m would want to be upper-middle class. My home needs to relaxing, comfortable and ultimately somewhere I can unwind and center myself. I need to be surrounded by beautiful art, modern and comfortable furnishings and have a large diverse music and book collection. Music is apart of my daily life. I listen to music when I’m getting ready to go out, on my way to class, in the car, while I’m cooking and while I read. If I don’t have some beautiful melody in the background, I’m typically annoyed by the silence. As an educator, I know that my life will involve some stress but I look forward to everything that comes along with it. As long as I’m able to step away from the stress of work and outside and come home to my private, warm and loving home then that’s my ideal environment.

EXERCISE 9: Your Ideal Day

I wake up around 7 on a beautiful Saturday in June in my beautiful condo in Hyde Park. My two adorable puppies Chocolate and Cinnamon are sleeping at the foot of my bed. I throw on some sweats and walk them around the block and take in the morning air and think about my day. After I return to my home, I hop in the shower and throw on some lounge clothes and prepare myself a breakfast of hard-boiled eggs, bacon, toast and a large cup of coffee. I curl up on my couch in front of the TV with my laptop and check my e-mail. After breakfast is finished, I load up the dishwasher and go to my bedroom, turn on some music and decide what I’m wearing for the day. I decide on some jeans, a cute t-shirt and some flip-flops for right now. I cuddle my babies for a moment, make sure they have fresh water and take off for my mani/pedi appointment with my mother and couple of girlfriends.

I hop into my red BMW Mini Coupe and head for day spa just a few minutes away from my apartment. When I arrive at the day spa, my mother and friends are already there but just getting started with their pedicures. We sit back, relax and gab about lives, loves and jobs. That takes a total of couple and then I’m out the door to meet up with my grandmother out in the south suburbs. She needs me to take her to run a few errands and it gives us a chance to spend some time together. We run to the drugstore, a couple department store and Wal-Mart for some household items. We have lunch at Olive Garden and I drop her off at home and promise to by tomorrow for Sunday dinner.

Its just after 2 and I’m on the expressway back to my place to let my babies out when I get a call from my boyfriend to meet up with him at the DuSable Museum to see a new exhibit I should see in a little while. I take my babies out for a quick walk so I can change and freshen up. Its 3:30 when I arrive at the museum and stroll around for just over an hour. We make plans to for dinner later on the evening for dinner and some club hopping. He says he’ll pick me up at 7. While driving back to my place I make a mental list of everything I need to do around my place. I take my babies out for another walk and play with them for a little while before I start some quick house cleaning. I put away the dishes in the dishwasher; wipe down the bathroom and Swiffer the floors.

I notice the clock says 5:45 and I need to start getting ready. I pull out one of my boyfriend’s favorite outfits and take a quick shower. Of course I’m running late and he’s early. I let him and he doesn’t complain about me not being ready. I finish up my make-up, fluff my hair and put on my clothes. He’s made reservations at one my favorite restaurants downtown Ben Pao. Dinner is excellent and so is the atmosphere. We head off to a great little lounge and enjoy some drinks and converse. After being at the lounge for a while, we head to a packed club to do some dancing and a little more drinking. We stay at the club to just after two and then head back to my place. He takes my babies out for a super quick walk while scrub my face clean and change into my PJs. He comes back from the walk, changes and we head to bed.

FANTASY ANALYSIS: GETTING DOWN TO BASICS

Questions 1-3:

INDISPENSABLE

What:
Great kitchen and bedroom
music to listen to
my car
my income
my puppies
Where:
My comfortable apartment
Somewhere clean, spacious and safe
Living close to my family
Who:
my close friends and family
understanding and intelligent boyfriend

OPTIONAL BUT DESIRABLE

What: the type of car I have
Where:
Who:

FRILLS

Nothing. I don’t think my day was unrealistic at all.

Question No. 4: What happens when you walk through an adjusted fantasy day with only the indispensable elements in it?

Nothing would be that different. I would probably being driving a Ford Focus or a Saturn.

Question No. 5: What—if any—elements of that day do you already have?

I have close relationships with my family and friends. I don’t see myself distancing myself from family anytime soon.

Question No. 6: What elements of the adjusted ideal day are conspicuously absent from your life right now?

The boyfriend. I would like to have someone to share my life with. Maybe one day…. The biggest element that I don’t have is the independence and a place of my own that I make my personal sanctuary. That’s the thing crave the most.

And remember, no matter where you go, there you are. ~ Confucius

So I interviewed the two people in my life that have known me the longest and the best, my granny and mother gave some quite interesting and very different answers. But that’s kind of what I was expecting…. I asked them the following three questions:

What was I like in the first five years of my life?

Mom: “Bad, bad, bad. Cried every day for the first year of your life. Inquisitive. Very advanced for your age. Very shy like me. Good with your hands. You liked to build things. Talkative with family.”

Granny: “When you were a little baby, you cried a lot but after that were a sweet baby. Wasn’t normally friendly with strangers and you’re still like that. Liked clothes. Traveled a lot. Mimicked people just like most kids in a derogatory way. Typical child. Didn’t like to share. Only child syndrome. Kind of bossy.”

What things did I love, what games did I like to play, what did you think was unique about me?

Mom: “You loved LEGOS, Barney, Jell-O, Goldfish crackers, coloring, Winnie the Pooh, Board games like Shoots/Ladders, Candyland. Your unique qualities were one bow leg like your granny, big lips and hated the baby bed.”

Granny: “You loved your baby swing, back seat of the Jeep truck, Barney, liked to play house. Hated a blue teddy bear. Your unique quality was that you had a mind of your own even as a child. Very stubborn child.”

What did you think I would become when I grew up?

Mom: “I thought you would be an artist or a writer. Definitely something creative. You’re very emotional and artist and writer are very emotional.”

Granny: “I thought you would do something with leadership and directing people. Like a teacher or something. You’re kind of bossy but still sweet.”

Next, I had to ask five of my closest friends to list what they thought my greatest gift/strengths were and here’s what they said:

Melanie (who I have known for about year and we were suite mates last year): “Confident. Speaks your mind. Loyal. Supportive and available to your friends in a time of need.”

Brittany (who I’ve known for a few months but has always had my back): “Pretty bold personality. Outspoken. Considerate. Good listener.”

Amanda (who I have known for about year, we were suite mates last year and we’re pretty close): “ No bullshit. Strong black woman. Very organized and clean!!!”

Julian (my oldest friend): “You show initiative. Don’t hesitate in doing what needs to be done. Very direct and open about certain things. Pay it forward. Isn’t phased by others opinions. Doesn’t crumble under pressure. Good planner. Well organized. Sensible when it comes to relationships and sex. Always conscious of certain situations.”

Raphael (a guy I dated for a while and remained friends with): “You seem very focused and you know what you want. That gives you a big advantage over people your age. People your age don’t really know what they want wan or what they want to do. In short, your resolve is your greatest gift.”

Now on the last bit of business…that didn’t go quite so well. I chose to go out and buy something for a homeless person. I was downtown today doing some light shopping and became brave enough to ask an older black man sitting on the street if he’d like me to buy him something to eat. He cussed me out and said he didn’t need a thing from me. I quickly walked away but still felt sorry him. Then I asked a homeless woman roaming the streets if she’d like me to buy her something to eat or anything. She gave me a crazy stare and quickly walked away. I was done after that. It just shows that even though you’re homeless and have very few worldly possessions, you still maintain some pride, self-respect and refuse to take handouts. I really wanted to help these people but I understand their reactions and respect it. I just pray that those people and everyone homeless finds away of the streets and a better life.

Thank you for reading.

Peace and Blessings.

Kierra AKA “HumbleDiva”

Ask questions from your heart and they will be answered from your heart. - Omaha Proverb

I've never looked forward to the beginning of a school semester like I did for the 2009 Spring Semester. I had a great class schedule with professors I was pretty familiar with and looking forward to being back in my dorm and the classroom. When I choosing class last semester one of my first choice was Professor Rockquemore. I had her African American Family in the United States course in the spring of 2008 and enjoyed her course immensely. She always class enjoyable and education. So I had planned to take Research Methods with her this past fall but the class was dropped because of low enrollment. So I signed up for this class not really knowing what it was about but I knowing it would be enjoyable regardless of the topic. (FYI - I'm not blowing smoke or kissing butt. I'm just telling it like it is. LOL)

After the reading the syllabus on Blackboard and kind of having a general idea of what I'm getting myself into, I'm genuinely looking forward the rest of the semester in the class. I hope to gain several things from this course:

• I hope to get what I'm suppose to get of the course which is to learn my strengths and gifts and how to utilize them in the future.
• To learn leadership skills for the future
• To form more and better relationships with my peers in the class. (There are too many black people in that and only know about half of them)
• And, of course, rediscovering myself. I find that I'm constantly finding new things about myself and redefining myself and my views every year or so. Honestly that's one of the things that love about myself. I'm never afraid to dig into the deeper levels of myself.
  

Now down to business....

Because of some issues in my family in my youth and somewhat wonderful selective memory, there are huge holes childhood memories which I'm actually alright with. There are just somethings I'd rather not remember. One of the few things I do remember loving as a child and still to this day are LEGOs. I love LEGOs. I don't know how many I own today but its a whole lot of them. Right there in my Granny's basement. I would sit down with crates of LEGOs surrounding me and just go into another place. Just turn on the latest boy band CD and I was gone. I could look at blank LEGO plate could imagine and create almost anything. I really felt that the possibilities were endless at that point in my life.

After my LEGO calmed down (but will never die), I moved on to painting. Most of my friends don't even know I used to paint. For about 5 years painting used to be my THING! It became my new outlet to escape from everything falling apart around me. My hands and clothes would be covered in acrylic paint and I would be exhausted but I always felt fulfilled. Painting always allowed me expressed the things I just knew I could vocalize. I would at a blank canvas, see one thing and two hours later be looking at something totally different. My work was always living and breathing pieces that had a soul of its old.

I was a constant daydreamer as a child and not much as changed. I was an inside child. You know that kid you never see on the block playing or causing hell. Never saw me riding a bike (because I never learned to) or making mud pies or whatever kids do outside. I was inside with my family playing with them or myself and ok with that. I never missed the part. I had plenty of toys and things to keep me entertained. I was SPOILED! I admit it now. I think my parents gave me a lot to make up for working a lot and for breaking up and turning my world upside down. So I had plenty to daydream about:

• My parents getting back together (THANK GOD THEY DIDN'T!!!)
• About being a teacher
• Having more friends
• Being an artist
• Being loved

My parents separated when I was ten and I had to learn a few things rather quickly. I had to be more mature, more polite, learn how to hold my composure when I was falling apart emotionally and be the ideal young lady while being in emotional hell. I loss that "gum balls and lollipops " innocence and nativity shortly after that.

I still dream about love in various forms. Being an educator is one of the few dreams from my child that has carried on through the crazy teenage years to today. Its the one thing that I feel was meant for me. Nothing has ever felt more nature to me. Only time will tell what God has in store for me.

Thank you for reading.

Peace and Blessings.